Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
