i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
