Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
