At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
