You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
