You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
