Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
