He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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