Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
