How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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