My hair reeks of homosexuality.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
