it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
