i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
