She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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