No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
