it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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