The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
