what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
