Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
