You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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