And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
