is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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