I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
