I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
