Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
