remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
