what if every blade of grass was a penis?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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