I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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