4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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