please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
