I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
