Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
