dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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