Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
