He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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