Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
