No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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