I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
