I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
