it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Randomize
