Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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