some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
