My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
