idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
