can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
