Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
