Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
