I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
