I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
