im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
