she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
