I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
